Friday, August 20, 2010

A Tale of Two Trips

Recently, it has occurred to me that grocery shopping ain't what it used to be for this ol' mama.  Observe the before and after scenarios:

Thoughts on the way home:
Before--Can't anyone control their kids anymore?

After--Did anyone see me almost cry in produce?

:
Before--champagne, fat-free milk, Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches,  margarita mix, People magazine, anything labeled "spicy", and the latest snack seen on Oprah

After--champagne, whole milk, string cheese, frozen pizza, Capri Sun, anything labeled "microwavable", and the latest snack seen on Nickelodeon 

Mode of Transportation:
Before--a short half-block walk to the hip neighborhood market

After--curdled milk-smelling SUV to suburban Kroger

Biggest Indulgence:
Before--Caribbean Lobster

After--Brand name diapers

(Cutest thing ever, right??  Yep, I'm not spending hard-earned money on "Designer Diapers" unless I have a coupon and they are on sale!)

Conversations with fellow shoppers:
Before--"Aren't you my pharmacist?  Thanks for the advice on my foot fungus.  It has cleared up."

After--"Does this bottle belong to you?  Your kid dropped it by the Campbells Soup."  

Wallet is found in:
Before--Latest designer purse found at the Galleria

After--Nylon diaper bag found at Babies 'R Us

Biggest Pet Peeve:
Before-Grocery bagger crushes some of my Baked Lays bagging them with heavier items.

After-No novelty "car" carts available.

Total time spent:
Before--10 minutes to throw on a cute outfit and makeup + 25 minutes shopping from the list made in my head + 5 minutes checking out in the express lane = less than an hour

After--30 minutes getting shoes, clothes, bottles, diapers, and snacks for mom kids ready to go + 90 minutes shopping and backtracking to get everything on my detailed list and cleaning up the messes made by the mom kids + 30 minutes checking out with coupons, frequent shopper card, ID for champagne, debit card covered in slobber, and constant monitoring for foreign items that "randomly" appeared in our cart + 30 minutes loading and unloading kids and groceries = THREE hours of pure chaos


Ali said...

i LOVE this post.

Anonymous said...

M- You are so funny! Love this!


Linda said...

So true! And just for encouragement, those days do return. It's just that you are pretty worn out when middle age knocks at your door.

Juanita said...

You are sooooo right! Can't wait to try shopping with two - you'll have to teach me the tricks :)

Team Seghs said...

You have me in stitches! This is a great post!!