A Tale of Two Trips

Recently, it has occurred to me that grocery shopping ain't what it used to be for this ol' mama.  Observe the before and after scenarios:

Thoughts on the way home:

Before--Can't anyone control their kids anymore?

After--Did anyone see me almost cry in produce?

Items in cart:

Before--champagne, fat-free milk, Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches,  margarita mix, People magazine, anything labeled "spicy", and the latest snack seen on Oprah

After--champagne, whole milk, string cheese, frozen pizza, Capri Sun, anything labeled "microwavable", and the latest snack seen on Nickelodeon 

Mode of Transportation:

Before--a short half-block walk to the hip neighborhood market

After--curdled milk-smelling SUV to suburban Kroger

Biggest Indulgence:

Before--Caribbean Lobster

After--Brand name diapers

(Cutest thing ever, right??  Yep, I'm not spending hard-earned money on "Designer Diapers" unless I have a coupon and they are on sale!)

Conversations with fellow shoppers:

Before--"Aren't you my pharmacist?  Thanks for the advice on my foot fungus.  It has cleared up."

After--"Does this bottle belong to you?  Your kid dropped it by the Campbells Soup."  

Wallet is found in:

Before--Latest designer purse found at the Galleria

After--Nylon diaper bag found at Babies 'R Us


Biggest Pet Peeve:
Before-Grocery bagger crushes some of my Baked Lays bagging them with heavier items.

After-No novelty "car" carts available.

Total time spent:
Before--10 minutes to throw on a cute outfit and makeup + 25 minutes shopping from the list made in my head + 5 minutes checking out in the express lane = less than an hour

After--30 minutes getting shoes, clothes, bottles, diapers, and snacks for mom kids ready to go + 90 minutes shopping and backtracking to get everything on my detailed list and cleaning up the messes made by the mom kids + 30 minutes checking out with coupons, frequent shopper card, ID for champagne, debit card covered in slobber, and constant monitoring for foreign items that "randomly" appeared in our cart + 30 minutes loading and unloading kids and groceries = THREE hours of pure chaos